he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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