Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
