If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
