so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
