these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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