Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
