This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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