a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
well you can't waste a boner
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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