We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
