I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
3 2 1 whiskey
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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