Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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