That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I supernannyed him into submission
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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