Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
