If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
