Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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