He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How does it feel to date your dad?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
