It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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