Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
