I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
