I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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