All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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