Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
