My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
