For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
