I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
