She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
