CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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