he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
