Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There's always time for handjobs
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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