His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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