i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
