I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
