I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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