he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
