Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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