some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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