apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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