First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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