weddingsv make me drug and hornr
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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