just come out here and I will go home with you...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
