Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
