My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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