I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
