His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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