I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
