So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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