I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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