And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
