how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My ATM looks so different sober.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
