Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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